Blogger, gamer, proud blond and overall former transgender geek chick!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Goodbye Julie, I will not forget you.

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My name was Julie Schippnick. I lived from April 2011 to March 2013... while I didn't make it to two years old, it was some of the craziest and best times of my personal identity. I felt free in a lot of ways but trapped at the same time. As I've mentioned previously in other blog posts and to my nearly 25,000 followers on G+ I never took the extra step of going on hormones to change my body's physiology. Friends and people I barely knew on the Internet always offered to either send me the hormones from their own supply or pay for them directly if I went to places like Planned Parenthood or medical consent clinics and I turned them down primarily for two reasons: being too scared and I didn't want to because of my wife Kelly.

If you've been following my blog for a while you'd already know that in February of this year (2013) Kelly had kicked me out and I was forced to stay in a hotel for a week because we just weren't willing to compromise on my individuality being set on becoming Julie. Both my wife and I weren't willing to budge because I wanted to be free and she just wanted her husband back; what I was doing was completely selfish in every way. Giving up the love of my life plus my perfect children just wasn't something I could go through. Imagine this: you've been married for seven years (at that time) and your spouse is telling you to leave forever and that you'd never have a normal relationship with your kids... I just couldn't do it.

Dec 2012.. when I took this picture I thought everything would
be just fine. How I kidded myself so much.. I was so naive then.

I was lucky enough to start a new job with a really nice tech company at the end of July and I was still pretty much set on re-transitioning back to Julie after that two year period and this was something that Kelly dwelled on inside of her mind for several weeks because one day when I was at work she just stopped talking to me completely via phone and text. I was really worried because any time Kelly cut herself off from communicating with me she was usually one of two things or both: angry or afraid. As she had the car at the time she dropped me off that morning, we kissed and said our "love yous" and I thought it was going to be a great day and I already knew in my mind that she was kicking me out again as this was the same thing that happened the last two times so I did what anyone else in this situation would do and I was able to secure a ride home that night and when I got home I saw all of my stuff in a laundry basket on the front porch and the locks were changed. Now, being my house I had every right to gain entry but I wasn't just going to vandalize or break a window to get in which meant I called my dad and he drove up from Altus, OK to Edmond and we got inside by breaking the lock, packed up everything else that I needed such as my computer, some more of my clothes and my personal items and headed down to Altus, OK for the next five days while I coped with what just happened. 

Every day I was down there with my dad I was extremely somber and I didn't leave the bed unless I had to eat or use the toilet and as I was getting eaten up by pill bugs and who knows what else was living in that bed, despite it all I never contemplated about suicide because while I was so lonely without Kelly and over that period we re-bonded via text messages, phone calls, and even Google+ hangouts from mobile and I informed her that I was thinking about just de-transitioning altogether because living without her and the kids just wasn't something I wanted to do. Now please be mindful, I am not trying to vilify Kelly in any way and I only see her as unfairly misguided by her evil mother. Things have been tough without any sort of income, having to sell off things I wish I didn't have to part with (Nintendo 3DS, PS3 games, Fish Tank, etc) I think things would be a million times worse if I didn't have my family. 

I will miss being Julie and while that is in the past, I still consider myself transgender... maybe not genderqueer, intersexed or any of the other terms under the trans umbrella but I will not forget a single moment of what I've been through and I think I'm unique in that I was able to live a nearly two full years as a woman which allowed me to get a pretty good perspective and even more respect for what women, not just trans-women, go through every day of their life.

So thank you Julie, I love you.

This is me now. I am reborn simply as J. 

Now this doesn't mean I'm done blogging! No, that is not going to happen but I feel like this blog is no longer home to someone who is not Julie. I am starting a new blog which you can check me out over at:

Saturday, November 3, 2012

G+eek Things - The First One!

A few weeks ago, I attempted to do a Google Plus Hangout Show, and well, here is the first official one... ignore the pre-alpha test from before!

Big thanks to Anthony Ramos for putting 
up with my annoying banter. 

Check it out, let me know what you think and if you either have suggestions for topics or would like to chat with me on a future installment of G+eek Things, just leave a comment here or let me know on my G+ profile!

Julie Schippnick

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Borderlands 2: Captain Scarlett and Her Pirate Booty DLC Review

This time they don't mess around!

Hey, it's me again and here is a little review of the FIRST real DLC (downloadable content) that Gearbox has released for my favorite game of the year, Borderlands 2. There is obviously a lot more content in this DLC than the Mecromancer DLC (which you can re-read my little review about there right here).

The first highlight for me in this new DLC are the new areas and out of all the new places in this new area of Pandora are Hayter's Folly and Magnys Lighthouse, but why? These two areas not only have the best visuals out of the DLC (especially the GIGANTIC LIGHTHOUSE!), but these areas also have the best music to the new areas; all of the new DLC has the best music in the game, but the tracks for these areas just ooze quality and make my ear-balls orgasm.

Just check out these tracks!

Hayter's Folly

Magnys Lighthouse

Don't trust her ONE BIT or she'll stab ya
right in the back!
OK, first off the game-play to these new areas play a lot like the old areas... you've got your Pirates, your Buccaneers  your Sand Worms, your Crystalisks, etc... pretty much buffed up alternate versions of your favorite and most hated baddies from the borderlands. These enemies are fast, more powerful, the AI seems a little bit smarter when it comes to teamwork and all of them are re-worked with pirate infused insults and lines to through at you while they run and gun towards you; I prefer these versions over their cousins outside of the DLC.
These cousins are tougher then the originals!

Digging the eye-patch!
I played through every single bit of this DLC and while I can say I love the variety of enemies, the new areas, the new characters (Shade's attempt at voicing his...erm former... townsfolk will leave you laughing but frightened... ), the new bosses and the music... there is one thing that left me disappointed after I beat the Leviathan and Scarlett... the loot... THE LOOT is very underwhelming throughout this whole entire thing, which you'd think would be a big part of something dealing with PIRATES!... Sure, there are many, many, many chests that you open that just vomit cash at you and the Crystalisks have so many crystals worth up to $1000 each time you kill one, but these really isn't that much good loot at all in this whole package; sure, you can get some pretty nice loot after defeating bosses but the random chests and drops from baddies made me stick to my standard weapons all the way through; there was no need to change guns, shields, grenades, or mods PERIOD. The only real piece of "loot" I felt was awesome was the new head I got when I completed this mission.

Do I recommend this DLC? Absolutely, just simply for the new areas, plot, (and I simply love the new Sand Skiffs, best vehicle in the whole game so far!) and DA MUSIC! If you want a challenge, go get it... if you are expecting BIG PRIZES, then forget it---you can wait for this!

See ya out in the Borderlands...

Julie Schippnick

Sunday, October 21, 2012

My Favourite Things

I love so many things, many many many simple things. Of course I love games, the internet, music, sex (oh yes), my job, my family, my friends and so many things, but that is not what this about.

There are some things I just simply adore and while my tastes may seem unusual and different than what others may like, these are things I simply never want to go without and in an attempt to help those better understand me, these posts will be just that: my favorite things.

After I get home from work or on my days off, I like to leisure when I do not plan on leaving the house.. and how do I do that? My pajama bottoms of course!

Oh my gosh these are probably my most comfortable
pair of pajama pants...oh yeah!
They're soft, they're easy to put on, they're comfortable and oh my gosh I never want to take them off (unless duty calls!). Yeah.. I have quite a few...

I've had so many pairs over the past few years of being Julie and my collection grows about two to three pairs a year. I know it's silly to obsess over something so small, but little things like this help me get through life... as the quote goes:

"It's the little things that make life great."

Of course, there are other things that help me get by...

Julie Schippnick

Friday, October 19, 2012

Self Esteem Building introducing G+ Geek Talk

Well, as some of you know I've had some problems with fighting depression for a long time and sometime there are things I can do to help with that... listen to music, watch movies, play games (either on 3DS/DS or PC) and while I love all of those things, sometimes it's my friends that help me.

I've never had many real life friends, ever since I began using the internet all the way back in 1996 (WorldOfNintendo and VGMusic represent!), but instead my stable of friends have always been here on the Internet and while many of the my original friends are no longer in my life, there are always those out there faraway online that have helped me cope with who I am and the problems that come with being my friend.

So now I've decided to expose myself. I am going to try to do a weekly video of myself and my friends talking about various things. Sure, I'm going to be geeking out but I'm also going to use this as some sort of therapy to make myself feel more comfortable with myself and with myself around others.

No, this is not only a blatant attempt at advertising myself (and things about me) but it is also a tool to help others get to know me better.

G+ Geek Talk, pre-alpha?

I am going to use this as a self image test. Do I feel awkward? Does my voice sound right? Do I even know what the heck I'm talking about? Probably all of the above...

And yes, I still do hate The Big Bang Theory and no, it will never be talked about. EVER.

Julie Schippnick

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Transgender Married Life, Part III

Did I mention how much depression sucks? It really does!

I think tonight me and Kelly had a huge breaking point. Remember those boots I mentioned in my last post?  Well, Kelly got them.

Anyways here is the beginning of the night as soon as I got off work:
Kelly picked me up around 9:42pm CT and I mentioned how crappy I felt all day; my stomach, my head, the eye on the right that I still can't see very well out of.. all of it. I didn't feel very motivated at work but at least I was off work and can spend time with Kelly! So then we went to pick up our kids from their grandmothers and all was good. Sure, I was arguing with people on Twitter at that time (you should really check THOSE posts out, yeesh!) and for the most part, it wasn't bothering me too much. Kelly and I then drove to the local Neighborhood Market and that is when I noticed that Kelly had got the boots... I was completely jealous and made a point to her how jealous I was... and little did I know this night would go in a horrible direction.

Kelly replied, "That's not all I have to deal with." I was wondering what I meant, but for the next 20 minutes or so we had a pretty big argument. She said she feels good about her body, even though of course she has been vomiting up her weight for the past two and a half years and progressively losing weight... I told her at least I've been trying to deal with my problems (transition, depression, anger problems) by the use of anti-depressants... no hormones yet. She then quipped that at least she can be happy with her body "without cutting off parts of my body and taking pills", this obviously an insult towards trans people who sometimes go through a sexual reassignment surgery where some male-to-female transwomen will have their penises removed... I never want to do that (too scared, too expensive, too ick)... and of course the pills comment was about hormones. She said everyone she talks to is against me, thinks I am the problem because I was too scared to tell I was trans for over five years, she said how much her therapist hates me (seriously? how professional is that?!), her mom hates me (has since we got married), and all of her friends just simply hate me.

So much for my side of the story eh?

I'm not completely innocent, she said that she can understand a lot but she still can't fathom of being born in the wrong body and how morally wrong it was. I called her out for being close minded and for being, "a small-minded peon"... yeah not my proudest but I just wasn't going to take it and just lay there. On our way home, she accused me of giving her an STD towards the beginning of our marriage (years before I did have a two-and-a-half week affair, and no, there was no sex) and of course, outside of our house. There was a lot of accusations, a lot of hitting (I punched my upper calves a lot in the car when I mentioned how many times she's used physical force, not in an aggressive way) and a lot of crying on my part... I went upstairs, yelling at her and yelling at myself and I just started to cry. I ran through my whole head on worthless I really am and how I can do nothing right.

I do a bad job at being as kid, an adult, a boy, a girl, a student, a husband, a father, a mother, a wife, a friend... I just feel like I'm not very good at anything. Sure, the anti-depressants have helped me and therapy has helped... but at this point I wonder if there is any reason to live anymore. I probably won't end my life, but I just feel hopeless.

Since the past couple of hours, Kelly and I have talked a bit and she's sleeping on the couch right now while in the middle of her working on her school work... but it just gets worse, it doesn't get better...

Julie Schippnick

Friday, October 12, 2012

Borderlands 2: Mechromancer DLC Review

Believe it or not, sometimes I like to talk about other things than just myself and video games is a topic I know a little thing or two about for the past 24 years...

Meet Gaige, the Mechromancer... Pandora's latest asset to find the Vault.

I was a big fan of Borderlands; I read everything about it before it came out, I bought it the day it was released and I spent several hundred hours on Xbox Live playing everything in the game and all of the extra content (downloadable content/DLC) that the game had to offer... so when Borderlands 2 was announced, I immediately knew I had to get it.

Well, I've played about 35 hours of Borderlands 2 and while the second DLC is expected to be released some time next week, I've spent a lot of time playing with the Mechromancer class that the developers at Gearbox have given us.

Gaige is a Mechromancer. Her class a little bit different than what is currently offered with Borderlands 2, but at the same time it is familiar for any fan of the series. She performs very much like the other Vault Hunters, but I noticed that she seems to better fair with Pistols and Rifles, compared to Maya's skills with SMGs or Zero's Sniper Rifles abilities. Gaige seems to maneuver better than Salvador, Maya, and Axton and I'd say only Zero could outrun and out-dodge attacks from Psychos better than she. In the original Borderlands, the character of Mordecai's skill tree primarily involved his companion Bloodwing which could use to seek and attack your opponents... well Gaige's Deathtrap is a very much the same, but with a little twist.

The mechanical companion, Deathtrap, can be summoned at will... depending the cool down timer has reset itself.
Deathtrap is very large, much larger than Axton's Turret gun. The beauty about Deathtrap is that during 60 seconds (that is, 60 seconds with leveling up the skill tree to grant a longer deployment timer), this chrome-plated companion has several attacks and support skills at your disposal, depending on what type of approach you take with your character. Do you want a your Deathtrap to be stronger and dish out more damage or do you want it to last longer but be able to help heal you and your teammates? Sure, Borderlands 2 still hasn't perfected the Skill Tree, but there are several combinations of skills you can level up throughout your (for now) 50 LVL cap...

I've chosen the aggressive path. While I've barely unlocked much throughout the chain, there is nothing better than watching my Deathtrap shoot lasers at long range targets and slicing up close range targets like Marvel's Wolverine. My Siren build, however, is less aggressive.
If you pre-ordered Borderlands 2 you're definitely getting more bang for your buck since the Mechromancer is included with your price, but you didn't you'll have to shell out for this character and I can most certainly say that I'd be more than happy to pay upwards of $20 for this character just based on her abilities and her personality alone; I'd peg her personality as a slightly more mature version of Tiny Tina (and that's a good thing!)

Should you buy it? If you're a hardcore fan of Borderlands 2, definitely. If you're a newcomer in this series, I promise you won't be disappointed if you buy her separately. 

Julie Schippnick