It's been over a year since I decided to halt my transition from male to female and be Julie. When I made this decision I thought it was the right thing to do because I thought it would make my wife happier but it didn't. The primary reason my wife wasn't happy was because of my stress; it makes new depressed, causes my anxiety and worst of all I get angry and take it out on myself... Sometimes I yell and sometimes I will hit myself.
At first, I was okay with being no gender. In fact, I told my wife that in two years I would resume my transition and that way my wife would have time to finish her Master's Degree and she'd be able to take care of herself financially but that wasn't anything close to what she wanted me to say. In July 2013, I started a new job as male and it was a great job: small tech company with free food everyday and anytime I want and it was only 15 minutes away from home, but with me stating my goal, three weeks passed and Kelly decided to go down to Texas with the intention of kicking me out yet again... She did not tell me until she was already in Dallas. When I was able to get a ride home, I found my stuff on the porch and had to break in to my own house. I called my dad that lived in Altus, OK, and stayed with him for a week. At first I felt sad and had an attitude of, "Fuck her, I will become a woman again and to hell with what she thinks!", but ultimately I got back with Kelly and had her throw out my entity female wardrobe.. Nearly $1000 worth of clothes, makeup and jewelry. That was very difficult to do.
As things went along, I got another job and her mom made more accusations like she had before (as I've mentioned in other posts), and things for a while were good until June of 2014. I received a job offer in Dallas so we moved and it was hell: robbed by movers on or very first day, a shitty duplex that was too much, having our mail stolen, and then when my company decided to relocate their office, it was too far and a moving attempt resulted in fraud. We were left without any choice and Kelly decided to move to her mom's in Bay City, TX and I moved back with my dad in Altus. So now we were 600 miles away and I wanted to become Julie again. After much talk, Kelly and the kids are with me again and I have expressed my desire to Kelly, leaving her yet again feeling unsettled with my whole journey. I'm not going to immediately dive in this time. I've confirmed with Kelly that my stress issues are still the primary conflict we have in our marriage and I've stated my full intention on to getting treatment and have asked her to reconsider if I do this for myself and the family with her only answer being a doubtful "I don't know." I can't lose her again but to be Julie is what I ultimately need.
My hair is longer again and I've started a low calorie diet with exercise and hopefully after all of this, I will be a better person.