It may be over.
I have been married to the same woman since the middle of 2005 and for the first six years or so I kept my desire to become a woman a secret. I have many reasons why I didn't want to tell her, but the biggest reason was that she wouldn't love me and wouldn't want to be with me...
Before my wife and I got married we dated for two weeks and there was a day that she was talking with one of our co-workers (yeah, we worked together) discussing a program they watched the previous night on Discovery Health Channel regarding transgender and transexual people... my now wife expressed how disgusted she was.. that is when I really understood on how afraid regular people can be of trans-folk.
In Dec 2010, I started to begin an affair with a girl at my previous job and I was happy to know that she accepted that I was always meant to be a woman and it would have been okay if she didn't turn out to be that type of person who couldn't clean her apartment, her cars, or her body... yeah, that didn't last long... plus she wasn't very affectionate and had worse depression than I ever had (plus I also really, REALLY missed my wife).
So when my wife and I finally decided to work on things in early 2011 we both thought that everything was going to be alright as long as we got marriage therapy which we shortly began in March of that year.
Then I decided I needed to tell her...
It started out by asking her a question, "I need to tell you something that will change our relationship forever. You said when got married that you'd love me no matter what, right?", her response was positive until she replied, "As long as it's not something like you wanting to be a woman!"... she didn't take the news well. My wife felt I was lying to her for several years and didn't understood it was just a matter of fear.
Since April of 2011 I have been full time woman (sans sexual reassignment surgery... I'll cover that at a later date as to why I don't want to go through with this) and my wife has tried to be as supportive as she can be: she buys me clothes, makeup, hair product... you name it, she will buy me things just out of kindness and sweetness (and I don't even have to ask!!), but she still has a resentment towards me.
We have already come to terms that our marriage won't last much longer, especially since as time goes on and on she feels more and more uncomfortable out in public and when we fight, oh boy, she sure goes out of her way making a point about me being a woman and how afraid she is that this is going to cause trouble for our children.
[Side note, we told our children immediately.. my oldest daughter loves, loves, LOVES it... my youngest daughter has development problems, she calls me very pretty all the time and yet, still asks me, "Is Daddy going to be a girl?", she is super sweet and I do believe she won't have any problems]
And here I am. Tonight was perhaps the final straw in our marriage. Aside from being trans, I have also fought depression and suicidal thoughts in the past and while medication does help some, my wife is very stressed and sick with gastrointestinal issues which of course cause a whole lot of external stress causers.
...but as I said at the beginning, it may all be over. Now, this doesn't mean we still won't love each other because we care and love each other so much, but I don't want to be the primary source of her stress and all I really want is her to be happy and maybe find that right man for her someday... but if we can't get along and it's causing stress for our family then I may just have to accept fate.
Well, that's it for now and I'm sure I'll cover more of this over the coming months.
Love,
Julie Schippnick
Friday, July 27, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Quick: G+
Quick thought...
OK, before I start just take a moment and think to yourself of every G+ joke you can think of...
...
...
...
Alright, good? Good!
When I joined Google Plus over a year ago during open beta, it was still a strange and unfamiliar place... and for a while it just felt like it wasn't going anywhere because all I had in my circles were people from Reddit and tech bloggers; I just didn't see much interest in keeping up with what was on G+...
...so I took a nine month break from G+.
When I came back, it was like a whole other place! I discovered what was once (yes!) a ghost town was now a growing metropolitan city! People who I invited to G+ were now power users and I then began to lament my sabbatical from the community and since then I've been trying to play catch up with following people and getting followers in return...
Out of all of it though, I've come to love the Google+ Hangouts... live video conferencing with up to 10 people at once and you can meet some AMAZING people, the only drawback I only find with G+ Hangouts:
Public Hangouts: Whenever I start a PUBLIC hangout, I am guaranteed to get at least 30 people that will either have their shirt off or not speak a single word during the hangout (usually male)... while I don't mind it sometimes, I feel like it takes up valuable space from those people I want to meet.
If you've never been on Google Plus: join.
Once you join Google Plus: Do hangouts.
Once you're in hangouts: Circle all of the cool people (trust me, they stand out!)
This is the best way to meet people... sure, you could #hashtag all of your posts and you may get popular posts, but the absolute best way to get noticed is by doing hangouts! I once did a 12-hour live hangout and I meet over 200 people, 120 of them that I circled and circled me in return and I do not regret it one bit. Sure, some people won't want to circle me because I am transgender, but that is just how the world is.
Well, I'm off for now and off to work very soon and if you ever join G+, circle me and maybe we can talk sometime!
OK, before I start just take a moment and think to yourself of every G+ joke you can think of...
...
...
...
Alright, good? Good!
When I joined Google Plus over a year ago during open beta, it was still a strange and unfamiliar place... and for a while it just felt like it wasn't going anywhere because all I had in my circles were people from Reddit and tech bloggers; I just didn't see much interest in keeping up with what was on G+...
...so I took a nine month break from G+.
When I came back, it was like a whole other place! I discovered what was once (yes!) a ghost town was now a growing metropolitan city! People who I invited to G+ were now power users and I then began to lament my sabbatical from the community and since then I've been trying to play catch up with following people and getting followers in return...
Out of all of it though, I've come to love the Google+ Hangouts... live video conferencing with up to 10 people at once and you can meet some AMAZING people, the only drawback I only find with G+ Hangouts:
Public Hangouts: Whenever I start a PUBLIC hangout, I am guaranteed to get at least 30 people that will either have their shirt off or not speak a single word during the hangout (usually male)... while I don't mind it sometimes, I feel like it takes up valuable space from those people I want to meet.
If you've never been on Google Plus: join.
Once you join Google Plus: Do hangouts.
Once you're in hangouts: Circle all of the cool people (trust me, they stand out!)
This is the best way to meet people... sure, you could #hashtag all of your posts and you may get popular posts, but the absolute best way to get noticed is by doing hangouts! I once did a 12-hour live hangout and I meet over 200 people, 120 of them that I circled and circled me in return and I do not regret it one bit. Sure, some people won't want to circle me because I am transgender, but that is just how the world is.
Well, I'm off for now and off to work very soon and if you ever join G+, circle me and maybe we can talk sometime!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Introduction
Ugh, I hate having headaches.
Since I was a five years old, I always knew I was meant to be a girl. I hated wearing boy clothes, having boy hair but I did like doing some boy things. I liked video games, I lived movies and TV, but I also liked doing girl things. Playing with dolls, cooking, clothes, make-up.. all that stuff that is usually associated with the female gender, and yet I knew what I was doing was considered wrong for the 1980s.
So I grew up trying to be something I was not... a boy.
Growing up as a male for over 20 years was a challenge. I always felt like I had expectations on what I was supposed to be.
The earliest recollection I have of wanting to be a girl was when I was five; I was at the day-care on the base my family lived on (my dad was in the Air Force at that time) and there was this large chest just full of all sorts of clothes and just one day I just went for the girls clothes. I loved 'em. Pink, yellow, spots, oh my god I just loved them.
Now, you might be thinking, "Well, she is just a cross-dresser!" --- and while that may be something that could be true, however from that moment I just knew I was always meant to be a girl. It just felt right; the feeling overwhelmed me and knew from the age of five I was born into the wrong gender. Back when I used to believe in the judo-christian being known as "God", nearly every night I would pray, pray and pray that when I wake up I'd be a girl. Long flowing hair, beautiful rosy skin, and everything... alas, as we all know that doesn't happen and through all of this I completely lost any faith I once was led to believe.
I will go into more on my life of how I became Julie, but being nearly 29 years of age and being full time female since April 2011, I think I've nearly accomplished everything I want to do... while I'm still not on hormones and haven't quite got my voice down, I'm a lot happier as Julie than I ever was as a forced-male.
Google
Since I was a five years old, I always knew I was meant to be a girl. I hated wearing boy clothes, having boy hair but I did like doing some boy things. I liked video games, I lived movies and TV, but I also liked doing girl things. Playing with dolls, cooking, clothes, make-up.. all that stuff that is usually associated with the female gender, and yet I knew what I was doing was considered wrong for the 1980s.
So I grew up trying to be something I was not... a boy.
Growing up as a male for over 20 years was a challenge. I always felt like I had expectations on what I was supposed to be.
The earliest recollection I have of wanting to be a girl was when I was five; I was at the day-care on the base my family lived on (my dad was in the Air Force at that time) and there was this large chest just full of all sorts of clothes and just one day I just went for the girls clothes. I loved 'em. Pink, yellow, spots, oh my god I just loved them.
Now, you might be thinking, "Well, she is just a cross-dresser!" --- and while that may be something that could be true, however from that moment I just knew I was always meant to be a girl. It just felt right; the feeling overwhelmed me and knew from the age of five I was born into the wrong gender. Back when I used to believe in the judo-christian being known as "God", nearly every night I would pray, pray and pray that when I wake up I'd be a girl. Long flowing hair, beautiful rosy skin, and everything... alas, as we all know that doesn't happen and through all of this I completely lost any faith I once was led to believe.
I will go into more on my life of how I became Julie, but being nearly 29 years of age and being full time female since April 2011, I think I've nearly accomplished everything I want to do... while I'm still not on hormones and haven't quite got my voice down, I'm a lot happier as Julie than I ever was as a forced-male.
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