Blogger, gamer, proud blond and overall former transgender geek chick!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Before Julie: Prayers of a Child

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I'm leaning to the side because I broke my arm
a month prior to this picture and they
wouldn't let me wear my sling, so instead
my cast was so heavy that it made me lean,
I was always sad as a kid, being a little boy and knowing that becoming who I was meant to be would only remain a dream unless something drastic happened. Throughout my whole life I never really considered myself to be a religious person; I did go-to church, in fact many different types of churches, and I was always taught that God had a plan for us all and the way we were was the way we were meant to be... but I didn't always buy that. I was also taught that God always hears our prayers and for some reason believe that if you prayed hard enough that your prayers were be answered.

I always had a tough time going to bed as a child because I was sad and there were many nights that I cried wondering why God would punish me in putting me in the body of a boy when I knew I was always meant to be born as a girl. Was this a cruel joke or "lesson" God was trying to teach me? And if so, why would such a omnipotent being like God play tricks on individuals... I knew I couldn't had been the only person in the whole world of all time that felt this same way. Every single night, I would always pray... I would pray to God that when I woke up in the morning that he'd take my penis away, give me a vagina and make me a pretty girl and every morning I woke up I would lose a little bit more faith as time passed on.

This is how I know God does not exist. If God truly existed, I would have been born female instead of male because for me to be born this way... something during my fetal development must have happened. Sure, there is no concrete proof of this but logically something must have happened.

As my faith waned and I went on through life, I know the only person who could be in control of my own destiny (besides my dad telling me what I can and cannot do, of course) was myself and thankfully for nearly two years I have been well on my way with my journey of becoming Julie. Yes, it's been a difficult one and I do wish things happened sooner but the important thing to remember is that I am making progress. Before I was Julie was had so much doubt in myself and didn't know what tomorrow would bring, and while there are many mysteries ahead as I continue to becoming the woman I've always meant to be, I will never forget what I've been through and I always try to take my past experiences and try to take the suffering I endured and hopefully use it to strengthen who I am today.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Transphobia and You, Part II

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For the first part of my series talking about transphobia, click here!

Even before I was openly trans, transphobic statements have always bothered me. I'm not talking about the blatant name like trap, tranny, shemale, lady-boy, or anything like that, I'm talking about those insensitive jokes that people think are funny when they chuckle about how a straight man, who believes they are only attracted to women, get confused by a trans-woman. You may be wondering why I've picked this very specific example and the reason why is because I probably see this more often on places like Twitter, Reddit, and Google+.

Specifically, last month someone, (@GuyThe_Guy) who I did follow decided to post these highly insensitive comments.

@julie2at is me and I'm sure you know who the other person is. (Just want to shout out
mad respect to @stuxnetsource, while we disagree on many aspects regarding
transgender culture, her heart is always in the right place.)

Look, I can understand that some people like to joke around, but even after a friend and myself decided to educate these types of jokes can really hurt people, much like racist or sexist jokes, he just shrugged it off. This is a completely different sort of transphobia. This is not transphobia in which a person may be simply scared of transgender folks, but this is the type that is just a lack of empathy. Would this user feel the same way if he posted a racist joke? Unfortunately, I could not find out because I was promptly blocked for simply expressing my concerns. This seems to become a trend more and more as society grows, becomes more accepting of gay culture but I feel that understanding transgendered men and women is going to take at least another decade or more before we can feel accepted in society as much as anyone else...

So please, for this Transgender Awareness Week please be very mindful what you say in public or online because words are very powerful and can be very hurtful.

Thank you.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Before Julie, Part II

You can read Part 1 of "Before Julie" here.

The earliest I remember in feeling I was wrong was when I was a little boy around the age four or five during my Kindergarten year.. In fact, I think I remember the exact moment I had a female experience. As a young boy, my dad was in the Air Force and during the first experience was when I was living on Sheppard Air Force Base in Wichita Falls, Texas and it was one of the days that my dad had to drop me off at the base's Day Care Center and like all of the usual things that are done at daycare, such as watch movies, play with blocks, draw, take naps, etc, it was this one particular day that I decided to play dress up with some of my friends that I knew from the time I spent at this daycare. What I wore wasn't really that strange I guess for little kids to wear and at first I just wore a really over-sized jacket which was more of gender-neutral clothing, but as we continued to play I decided to dress like a girl! I put on a big feather boa, some big pink sunglasses, a yellow shirt, a pink tutu and some red high heels on... I felt amazing; I saw myself in the mirror and I just knew it felt right!!

I was a cute little boy, huh?
I swear I must have stayed dressed like that for a good 45 minutes before I took them off and I only did so because at that time my dad decided to pick me up from daycare and to say he was not pleased is an understatement... of course, I'm sure he doesn't even remember this incident but I distinctively remember him being angry with me for "dressing like a girl" and yelled at me the way home explaining to me how wrong he felt it was... I know this is not only wrong because there is no reason at all to be so harsh on a young child, but it also sets a precedence for discrimination against gender roles and responsibilities.

Some people might think this is just kids being kids, but it was much more than that. This exact moment impacted my whole life on who I am now... I'm not saying this is the only moment in my life that defined my transgenderism as there are probably ten key different experiences I've had that define who I've become. Now, I'm not trying to say that every boy or girl who does this is transgendered, because that simply isn't true but what I am saying is that parents should never discourage a child on being who they want to be unless it puts their lives in some sort of physical harm or legal trouble. I would never expect my own children to be someone they wouldn't want to be and would never pressure them to conform to some sort of image that I think they should be.

Julie Schippnick

Saturday, November 3, 2012

G+eek Things - The First One!

A few weeks ago, I attempted to do a Google Plus Hangout Show, and well, here is the first official one... ignore the pre-alpha test from before!

Big thanks to Anthony Ramos for putting 
up with my annoying banter. 

Check it out, let me know what you think and if you either have suggestions for topics or would like to chat with me on a future installment of G+eek Things, just leave a comment here or let me know on my G+ profile!

Julie Schippnick

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Working Girl, Part II

You can read Part 1 of 'Working Girl' here.

It has been two months since the last time I've talked about this particular topic and I can say without any sort of uncertainty that things have gotten better. Co-workers don't openly call me a he or him to my face (and hopefully not behind my back!) and I swear everyone in that building knows me as Julie now. I find it quite funny that the two people who interviewed me back on April 24th, 2012 (which later I found out one was the top sales manager in my company and one of the two managers in charge of my whole department) knew me only as my male name now know completely about my transition and are proud to talk about myself to others.

Let's take a trip back to April: I was at the end of my medical disability from AT&T and I just simply had to get away from that place for their transphobic attitude towards who I became. When I started working there in 2006 I was fully male and didn't come out until the second quarter of 2011 and they simply were not having it with me, in their words "suddenly showing up to work as a woman." When I interviewed at the company that now proudly has me as an employee, I still hadn't decided on what to really call myself so I went under my male name but I had my nails done, hair made up, wore a brand new beautiful pants suit and walked in my new heels with pride... during both portions of my interview I let them know that while Oklahoma has no legal rights for transgendered workers, I read their company policy online and they specifically mention that they do everything they can, even above what the law requires, to be an equal opportunity employer... I think it impressed them that I actually did research on their policies and I guess it was no surprise that I was offered the position on the spot.

I will admit that I was worried that when I wrote my last post that things would never improve but things have really turned around for me; sure, I'm not the best performer at my job (even my supervisor admitted that'll get better as I get used to the still very new environment my position requires) but even those who point out some of my flaws commend me on my persistence, my attitude, and my ability to adapt and tweak my approach at what I do every single day either with internal or external customers. Of course, I still have to use a special bathroom which my lovely HR department head said would probably no longer be required of me once I get my name changed or when I finally start hormones and they take control of my body (I literally get wet just thinking of that last part), but it's all good as the bathroom is still very much private and exclusive only for myself.

I'll let you know what's up again in another two months and hopefully things will only get better! :)

Remember you can follow my blog by clicking "Join This Site" at the top, checking me out on G+, or you can follow me on Twitter, @julie2aT :)

Julie Schippnick

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Borderlands 2: Captain Scarlett and Her Pirate Booty DLC Review

This time they don't mess around!

Hey, it's me again and here is a little review of the FIRST real DLC (downloadable content) that Gearbox has released for my favorite game of the year, Borderlands 2. There is obviously a lot more content in this DLC than the Mecromancer DLC (which you can re-read my little review about there right here).

The first highlight for me in this new DLC are the new areas and out of all the new places in this new area of Pandora are Hayter's Folly and Magnys Lighthouse, but why? These two areas not only have the best visuals out of the DLC (especially the GIGANTIC LIGHTHOUSE!), but these areas also have the best music to the new areas; all of the new DLC has the best music in the game, but the tracks for these areas just ooze quality and make my ear-balls orgasm.

Just check out these tracks!

Hayter's Folly

Magnys Lighthouse

Don't trust her ONE BIT or she'll stab ya
right in the back!
OK, first off the game-play to these new areas play a lot like the old areas... you've got your Pirates, your Buccaneers  your Sand Worms, your Crystalisks, etc... pretty much buffed up alternate versions of your favorite and most hated baddies from the borderlands. These enemies are fast, more powerful, the AI seems a little bit smarter when it comes to teamwork and all of them are re-worked with pirate infused insults and lines to through at you while they run and gun towards you; I prefer these versions over their cousins outside of the DLC.
These cousins are tougher then the originals!

Digging the eye-patch!
I played through every single bit of this DLC and while I can say I love the variety of enemies, the new areas, the new characters (Shade's attempt at voicing his...erm former... townsfolk will leave you laughing but frightened... ), the new bosses and the music... there is one thing that left me disappointed after I beat the Leviathan and Scarlett... the loot... THE LOOT is very underwhelming throughout this whole entire thing, which you'd think would be a big part of something dealing with PIRATES!... Sure, there are many, many, many chests that you open that just vomit cash at you and the Crystalisks have so many crystals worth up to $1000 each time you kill one, but these really isn't that much good loot at all in this whole package; sure, you can get some pretty nice loot after defeating bosses but the random chests and drops from baddies made me stick to my standard weapons all the way through; there was no need to change guns, shields, grenades, or mods PERIOD. The only real piece of "loot" I felt was awesome was the new head I got when I completed this mission.

Do I recommend this DLC? Absolutely, just simply for the new areas, plot, (and I simply love the new Sand Skiffs, best vehicle in the whole game so far!) and DA MUSIC! If you want a challenge, go get it... if you are expecting BIG PRIZES, then forget it---you can wait for this!

See ya out in the Borderlands...

Julie Schippnick

Sunday, October 21, 2012

My Favourite Things

I love so many things, many many many simple things. Of course I love games, the internet, music, sex (oh yes), my job, my family, my friends and so many things, but that is not what this about.

There are some things I just simply adore and while my tastes may seem unusual and different than what others may like, these are things I simply never want to go without and in an attempt to help those better understand me, these posts will be just that: my favorite things.

After I get home from work or on my days off, I like to leisure when I do not plan on leaving the house.. and how do I do that? My pajama bottoms of course!

Oh my gosh these are probably my most comfortable
pair of pajama pants...oh yeah!
They're soft, they're easy to put on, they're comfortable and oh my gosh I never want to take them off (unless duty calls!). Yeah.. I have quite a few...

I've had so many pairs over the past few years of being Julie and my collection grows about two to three pairs a year. I know it's silly to obsess over something so small, but little things like this help me get through life... as the quote goes:

"It's the little things that make life great."

Of course, there are other things that help me get by...

Julie Schippnick

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Self Esteem Building introducing G+ Geek Talk

Well, as some of you know I've had some problems with fighting depression for a long time and sometime there are things I can do to help with that... listen to music, watch movies, play games (either on 3DS/DS or PC) and while I love all of those things, sometimes it's my friends that help me.

I've never had many real life friends, ever since I began using the internet all the way back in 1996 (WorldOfNintendo and VGMusic represent!), but instead my stable of friends have always been here on the Internet and while many of the my original friends are no longer in my life, there are always those out there faraway online that have helped me cope with who I am and the problems that come with being my friend.

So now I've decided to expose myself. I am going to try to do a weekly video of myself and my friends talking about various things. Sure, I'm going to be geeking out but I'm also going to use this as some sort of therapy to make myself feel more comfortable with myself and with myself around others.

No, this is not only a blatant attempt at advertising myself (and things about me) but it is also a tool to help others get to know me better.

G+ Geek Talk, pre-alpha?

I am going to use this as a self image test. Do I feel awkward? Does my voice sound right? Do I even know what the heck I'm talking about? Probably all of the above...

And yes, I still do hate The Big Bang Theory and no, it will never be talked about. EVER.

Julie Schippnick

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Transgender Married Life, Part III

Did I mention how much depression sucks? It really does!

I think tonight me and Kelly had a huge breaking point. Remember those boots I mentioned in my last post?  Well, Kelly got them.

Anyways here is the beginning of the night as soon as I got off work:
Kelly picked me up around 9:42pm CT and I mentioned how crappy I felt all day; my stomach, my head, the eye on the right that I still can't see very well out of.. all of it. I didn't feel very motivated at work but at least I was off work and can spend time with Kelly! So then we went to pick up our kids from their grandmothers and all was good. Sure, I was arguing with people on Twitter at that time (you should really check THOSE posts out, yeesh!) and for the most part, it wasn't bothering me too much. Kelly and I then drove to the local Neighborhood Market and that is when I noticed that Kelly had got the boots... I was completely jealous and made a point to her how jealous I was... and little did I know this night would go in a horrible direction.

Kelly replied, "That's not all I have to deal with." I was wondering what I meant, but for the next 20 minutes or so we had a pretty big argument. She said she feels good about her body, even though of course she has been vomiting up her weight for the past two and a half years and progressively losing weight... I told her at least I've been trying to deal with my problems (transition, depression, anger problems) by the use of anti-depressants... no hormones yet. She then quipped that at least she can be happy with her body "without cutting off parts of my body and taking pills", this obviously an insult towards trans people who sometimes go through a sexual reassignment surgery where some male-to-female transwomen will have their penises removed... I never want to do that (too scared, too expensive, too ick)... and of course the pills comment was about hormones. She said everyone she talks to is against me, thinks I am the problem because I was too scared to tell I was trans for over five years, she said how much her therapist hates me (seriously? how professional is that?!), her mom hates me (has since we got married), and all of her friends just simply hate me.

So much for my side of the story eh?

I'm not completely innocent, she said that she can understand a lot but she still can't fathom of being born in the wrong body and how morally wrong it was. I called her out for being close minded and for being, "a small-minded peon"... yeah not my proudest but I just wasn't going to take it and just lay there. On our way home, she accused me of giving her an STD towards the beginning of our marriage (years before I did have a two-and-a-half week affair, and no, there was no sex) and of course, outside of our house. There was a lot of accusations, a lot of hitting (I punched my upper calves a lot in the car when I mentioned how many times she's used physical force, not in an aggressive way) and a lot of crying on my part... I went upstairs, yelling at her and yelling at myself and I just started to cry. I ran through my whole head on worthless I really am and how I can do nothing right.

I do a bad job at being as kid, an adult, a boy, a girl, a student, a husband, a father, a mother, a wife, a friend... I just feel like I'm not very good at anything. Sure, the anti-depressants have helped me and therapy has helped... but at this point I wonder if there is any reason to live anymore. I probably won't end my life, but I just feel hopeless.

Since the past couple of hours, Kelly and I have talked a bit and she's sleeping on the couch right now while in the middle of her working on her school work... but it just gets worse, it doesn't get better...

Julie Schippnick

Friday, October 12, 2012

Borderlands 2: Mechromancer DLC Review

Believe it or not, sometimes I like to talk about other things than just myself and video games is a topic I know a little thing or two about for the past 24 years...

Meet Gaige, the Mechromancer... Pandora's latest asset to find the Vault.

I was a big fan of Borderlands; I read everything about it before it came out, I bought it the day it was released and I spent several hundred hours on Xbox Live playing everything in the game and all of the extra content (downloadable content/DLC) that the game had to offer... so when Borderlands 2 was announced, I immediately knew I had to get it.

Well, I've played about 35 hours of Borderlands 2 and while the second DLC is expected to be released some time next week, I've spent a lot of time playing with the Mechromancer class that the developers at Gearbox have given us.

Gaige is a Mechromancer. Her class a little bit different than what is currently offered with Borderlands 2, but at the same time it is familiar for any fan of the series. She performs very much like the other Vault Hunters, but I noticed that she seems to better fair with Pistols and Rifles, compared to Maya's skills with SMGs or Zero's Sniper Rifles abilities. Gaige seems to maneuver better than Salvador, Maya, and Axton and I'd say only Zero could outrun and out-dodge attacks from Psychos better than she. In the original Borderlands, the character of Mordecai's skill tree primarily involved his companion Bloodwing which could use to seek and attack your opponents... well Gaige's Deathtrap is a very much the same, but with a little twist.

The mechanical companion, Deathtrap, can be summoned at will... depending the cool down timer has reset itself.
Deathtrap is very large, much larger than Axton's Turret gun. The beauty about Deathtrap is that during 60 seconds (that is, 60 seconds with leveling up the skill tree to grant a longer deployment timer), this chrome-plated companion has several attacks and support skills at your disposal, depending on what type of approach you take with your character. Do you want a your Deathtrap to be stronger and dish out more damage or do you want it to last longer but be able to help heal you and your teammates? Sure, Borderlands 2 still hasn't perfected the Skill Tree, but there are several combinations of skills you can level up throughout your (for now) 50 LVL cap...

I've chosen the aggressive path. While I've barely unlocked much throughout the chain, there is nothing better than watching my Deathtrap shoot lasers at long range targets and slicing up close range targets like Marvel's Wolverine. My Siren build, however, is less aggressive.
If you pre-ordered Borderlands 2 you're definitely getting more bang for your buck since the Mechromancer is included with your price, but you didn't you'll have to shell out for this character and I can most certainly say that I'd be more than happy to pay upwards of $20 for this character just based on her abilities and her personality alone; I'd peg her personality as a slightly more mature version of Tiny Tina (and that's a good thing!)

Should you buy it? If you're a hardcore fan of Borderlands 2, definitely. If you're a newcomer in this series, I promise you won't be disappointed if you buy her separately. 

Julie Schippnick

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Before Julie: National Coming Out Day

Before I was Julie, I probably would best describe myself as a misfit. Now, a lot of people throw that word around a lot but that probably best describes me on what I was before I became Julie.

Of course, Julie was not the name I was given and while I will not say what my first name used to be (for various reasons, some of which I don't prefer to say at this time, sorry folks!). Well, let me show you exactly what I used to look like before everything...

Feb 2011, two months before I went full-time

It was February 2011 I was still working for AT&T (Mobility) and I decided to let my friends and family members know that I was transgender. My wife, as I've mentioned previously, did not take it so well but for the most part my friends and most of my co-workers took it very well and even started using different pronouns.. now at this time I hadn't decided on a name so I still went around under my male name... I also let my direct supervisor know because obviously it was very important for him to know (Miss ya, CP!). The funny thing is that nearly no one else really noticed... my hair was getting longer and sure those who didn't know were making jokes about my hair being longer, but they never noticed I was wearing makeup, wore women's clothing, perfume, the WORKS and despite my best efforts, people still thought I was male for the most part.

Of course, I've been full time since April of 2011 and I haven't really looked back at me then. Do I miss the old me? Nope. I'm still personally the same person and while my appearances and some of my mannerisms have changed, I've essentially been the same person since I've ever been, just Julie instead. :)

Julie Schippnick

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Transgender Married Life, Part II

Depression sucks.

At this point, I would have thought things would gotten a bit better between myself and Kelly, but honestly I don't know what to say. Kelly kept citing she was mostly upset I was transitioning because when I start HRT (hormone replacement therapy), I'd become sterile and we wouldn't be able to have anymore kids however as I write this, she is nearly ten weeks pregnant (I think), so she can no longer use this as an excuse but somehow I knew she'd still be very upset about my whole transition.

You'd think that would have made things better, but nope, she is still very adamant against this change even though it's been more than a year and a half of being Julie and full time female, except the whole part where I should have estrogen and other blockers running through my body. As more time passes and I of course become more passable I can just feel the awkward-ness she feels every time we go out in public especially when we're together and get different people say, "Hi Ladies", or some variation of this... she doesn't want people to think she's a lesbian because in her mind that is morally wrong and disgusting which of course I blame it on her Christian upbringing that she came from growing up in Oklahoma her whole life and having very close minded parents; thank the heavens the minds of our children aren't like that! The other day I asked her if she was worried about our kids and she said, "No, they're well adjusted and they seem to feel normal in their bodies."... WOW, not a very subtle insult towards me at all!

So as both Kelly and I move into the second part of my second year of being female, things have gotten worse and honestly I don't know what is going to happen next.

I made an appointment to finally see the endo to get on a prescription to start my hormones, however the doctor I found put me on a waiting list for over a month from now, and I'll have to pay $200-$250 upfront just to see the doctor and that does not include the cost of my prescription (Kelly wasn't happy about this, of course), and I've worked quite very hard at work to earn extra money to spend on myself (clothes, hair, hormones) in a way so she wouldn't guilt me about spending money (I earned nearly $800 bonuses working my ass off last month for just this purpose!), yet she's talking about buying herself some really expensive boots ... which she claimed about six months ago they were ugly until I started mentioned how I wanted to get some for myself ... it's like she is trying to spite me now. I'm not much of a money spender anymore, so I figured if I busted my butt and earned EXTRA money, with plenty of money for bills and can even save some back, she goes ahead and spends the money from my first paycheck, meant for rent, and decides to just use my big check, so this means leaving rent late by about ten days and instead buys herself things.

The boots I've been wanting for a while... suddenly Kelly wants them because I wanted them.
I guess it's just one of those things that people go through, in-fact one of my co-workers who just started HRT is now going through a divorce so looks like I'm just becoming another statistic I was hoping wouldn't happen... and of course my depression has been hell with all of this on my mind... she's been dressing more sexy even as she is nearly done with her first trimester (which BTW, I have no problem with because she looks fantastic), but I feel like she's doing this all of a sudden to put me on some sort of guilt trip and as I laid in bed last night crying and having difficulty sleeping, I just felt like my whole world was crashing down and it didn't ever seem like I'd be able to fully become a woman because it all feels like she is doing everything in her power to stop me. Now people are already thinking, "Leave her!", and as mentioned before it is not that easy... I can't just simply leave her because it would be difficult to get a second car for just my use, pay rent on two places and not being able to see my children everyday would literally break my heart... but there has to be something I can do or find someone else who could help me.

Well, that is my rant for today... thanks everyone for reading.


Friday, July 27, 2012

Transgender Married Life

It may be over.

I have been married to the same woman since the middle of 2005 and for the first six years or so I kept my desire to become a woman a secret. I have many reasons why I didn't want to tell her, but the biggest reason was that she wouldn't love me and wouldn't want to be with me...

Before my wife and I got married we dated for two weeks and there was a day that she was talking with one of our co-workers (yeah, we worked together) discussing a program they watched the previous night on Discovery Health Channel regarding transgender and transexual people... my now wife expressed how disgusted she was.. that is when I really understood on how afraid regular people can be of trans-folk.

In Dec 2010, I started to begin an affair with a girl at my previous job and I was happy to know that she accepted that I was always meant to be a woman and it would have been okay if she didn't turn out to be that type of person who couldn't clean her apartment, her cars, or her body... yeah, that didn't last long... plus she wasn't very affectionate and had worse depression than I ever had (plus I also really, REALLY missed my wife).

So when my wife and I finally decided to work on things in early 2011 we both thought that everything was going to be alright as long as we got marriage therapy which we shortly began in March of that year.

Then I decided I needed to tell her...

It started out by asking her a question, "I need to tell you something that will change our relationship forever. You said when got married that you'd love me no matter what, right?", her response was positive until she replied, "As long as it's not something like you wanting to be a woman!"... she didn't take the news well. My wife felt I was lying to her for several years and didn't understood it was just a matter of fear.

Since April of 2011 I have been full time woman (sans sexual reassignment surgery... I'll cover that at a later date as to why I don't want to go through with this) and my wife has tried to be as supportive as she can be: she buys me clothes, makeup, hair product... you name it, she will buy me things just out of kindness and sweetness (and I don't even have to ask!!), but she still has a resentment towards me.

We have already come to terms that our marriage won't last much longer, especially since as time goes on and on she feels more and more uncomfortable out in public and when we fight, oh boy, she sure goes out of her way making a point about me being a woman and how afraid she is that this is going to cause trouble for our children.

[Side note, we told our children immediately.. my oldest daughter loves, loves, LOVES it... my youngest daughter has development problems, she calls me very pretty all the time and yet, still asks me, "Is Daddy going to be a girl?", she is super sweet and I do believe she won't have any problems]

And here I am. Tonight was perhaps the final straw in our marriage. Aside from being trans, I have also fought depression and suicidal thoughts in the past and while medication does help some, my wife is very stressed and sick with gastrointestinal issues which of course cause a whole lot of external stress causers.

...but as I said at the beginning, it may all be over. Now, this doesn't mean we still won't love each other because we care and love each other so much, but I don't want to be the primary source of her stress and all I really want is her to be happy and maybe find that right man for her someday... but if we can't get along and it's causing stress for our family then I may just have to accept fate.

Well, that's it for now and I'm sure I'll cover more of this over the coming months.

Julie Schippnick

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Quick: G+

Quick thought...

OK, before I start just take a moment and think to yourself of every G+ joke you can think of...


Alright, good? Good!

When I joined Google Plus over a year ago during open beta, it was still a strange and unfamiliar place... and for a while it just felt like it wasn't going anywhere because all I had in my circles were people from Reddit and tech bloggers; I just didn't see much interest in keeping up with what was on G+... I took a nine month break from G+.

When I came back, it was like a whole other place! I discovered what was once (yes!) a ghost town was now a growing metropolitan city! People who I invited to G+ were now power users and I then began to lament my sabbatical from the community and since then I've been trying to play catch up with following people and getting followers in return...

Out of all of it though, I've come to love the Google+ Hangouts... live video conferencing with up to 10 people at once and you can meet some AMAZING people, the only drawback I only find with G+ Hangouts:

Public Hangouts: Whenever I start a PUBLIC hangout, I am guaranteed to get at least 30 people that will either have their shirt off or not speak a single word during the hangout (usually male)... while I don't mind it sometimes, I feel like it takes up valuable space from those people I want to meet.

If you've never been on Google Plus: join.
Once you join Google Plus: Do hangouts.
Once you're in hangouts: Circle all of the cool people (trust me, they stand out!)

This is the best way to meet people... sure, you could #hashtag all of your posts and you may get popular posts, but the absolute best way to get noticed is by doing hangouts! I once did a 12-hour live hangout and I meet over 200 people, 120 of them that I circled and circled me in return and I do not regret it one bit. Sure, some people won't want to circle me because I am transgender, but that is just how the world is.

Well, I'm off for now and off to work very soon and if you ever join G+, circle me and maybe we can talk sometime!

Friday, July 20, 2012


Ugh, I hate having headaches.

Since I was a five years old, I always knew I was meant to be a girl. I hated wearing boy clothes, having boy hair but I did like doing some boy things. I liked video games, I lived movies and TV, but I also liked doing girl things. Playing with dolls, cooking, clothes, make-up.. all that stuff that is usually associated with the female gender, and yet I knew what I was doing was considered wrong for the 1980s.

So I grew up trying to be something I was not... a boy.

Growing up as a male for over 20 years was a challenge. I always felt like I had expectations on what I was supposed to be.

The earliest recollection I have of wanting to be a girl was when I was five; I was at the day-care on the base my family lived on (my dad was in the Air Force at that time) and there was this large chest just full of all sorts of clothes and just one day I just went for the girls clothes. I loved 'em. Pink, yellow, spots, oh my god I just loved them.

Now, you might be thinking, "Well, she is just a cross-dresser!" --- and while that may be something that could be true, however from that moment I just knew I was always meant to be a girl. It just felt right; the feeling overwhelmed me and knew from the age of five I was born into the wrong gender. Back when I used to believe in the judo-christian being known as "God", nearly every night I would pray, pray and pray that when I wake up I'd be a girl. Long flowing hair, beautiful rosy skin, and everything... alas, as we all know that doesn't happen and through all of this I completely lost any faith I once was led to believe.

I will go into more on my life of how I became Julie, but being nearly 29 years of age and being full time female since April 2011, I think I've nearly accomplished everything I want to do... while I'm still not on hormones and haven't quite got my voice down, I'm a lot happier as Julie than I ever was as a forced-male.