Blogger, gamer, proud blond and overall former transgender geek chick!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Goodbye Julie, I will not forget you.

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My name was Julie Schippnick. I lived from April 2011 to March 2013... while I didn't make it to two years old, it was some of the craziest and best times of my personal identity. I felt free in a lot of ways but trapped at the same time. As I've mentioned previously in other blog posts and to my nearly 25,000 followers on G+ I never took the extra step of going on hormones to change my body's physiology. Friends and people I barely knew on the Internet always offered to either send me the hormones from their own supply or pay for them directly if I went to places like Planned Parenthood or medical consent clinics and I turned them down primarily for two reasons: being too scared and I didn't want to because of my wife Kelly.

If you've been following my blog for a while you'd already know that in February of this year (2013) Kelly had kicked me out and I was forced to stay in a hotel for a week because we just weren't willing to compromise on my individuality being set on becoming Julie. Both my wife and I weren't willing to budge because I wanted to be free and she just wanted her husband back; what I was doing was completely selfish in every way. Giving up the love of my life plus my perfect children just wasn't something I could go through. Imagine this: you've been married for seven years (at that time) and your spouse is telling you to leave forever and that you'd never have a normal relationship with your kids... I just couldn't do it.

Dec 2012.. when I took this picture I thought everything would
be just fine. How I kidded myself so much.. I was so naive then.

I was lucky enough to start a new job with a really nice tech company at the end of July and I was still pretty much set on re-transitioning back to Julie after that two year period and this was something that Kelly dwelled on inside of her mind for several weeks because one day when I was at work she just stopped talking to me completely via phone and text. I was really worried because any time Kelly cut herself off from communicating with me she was usually one of two things or both: angry or afraid. As she had the car at the time she dropped me off that morning, we kissed and said our "love yous" and I thought it was going to be a great day and I already knew in my mind that she was kicking me out again as this was the same thing that happened the last two times so I did what anyone else in this situation would do and I was able to secure a ride home that night and when I got home I saw all of my stuff in a laundry basket on the front porch and the locks were changed. Now, being my house I had every right to gain entry but I wasn't just going to vandalize or break a window to get in which meant I called my dad and he drove up from Altus, OK to Edmond and we got inside by breaking the lock, packed up everything else that I needed such as my computer, some more of my clothes and my personal items and headed down to Altus, OK for the next five days while I coped with what just happened. 

Every day I was down there with my dad I was extremely somber and I didn't leave the bed unless I had to eat or use the toilet and as I was getting eaten up by pill bugs and who knows what else was living in that bed, despite it all I never contemplated about suicide because while I was so lonely without Kelly and over that period we re-bonded via text messages, phone calls, and even Google+ hangouts from mobile and I informed her that I was thinking about just de-transitioning altogether because living without her and the kids just wasn't something I wanted to do. Now please be mindful, I am not trying to vilify Kelly in any way and I only see her as unfairly misguided by her evil mother. Things have been tough without any sort of income, having to sell off things I wish I didn't have to part with (Nintendo 3DS, PS3 games, Fish Tank, etc) I think things would be a million times worse if I didn't have my family. 

I will miss being Julie and while that is in the past, I still consider myself transgender... maybe not genderqueer, intersexed or any of the other terms under the trans umbrella but I will not forget a single moment of what I've been through and I think I'm unique in that I was able to live a nearly two full years as a woman which allowed me to get a pretty good perspective and even more respect for what women, not just trans-women, go through every day of their life.

So thank you Julie, I love you.

This is me now. I am reborn simply as J. 

Now this doesn't mean I'm done blogging! No, that is not going to happen but I feel like this blog is no longer home to someone who is not Julie. I am starting a new blog which you can check me out over at: